Offline life
The Internet is a temporary activity. Your life outside of the Internet is permanent. It doesn't hold up when you're browsing the Internet or having a bad day. It always goes on, which is why your first steps to being safe as a boylover start with making sure you're safe outside of the Internet.
In the event of exposure to your local community, the damage done to your reputation will be far greater than if you are exposed on most boylover-friendly websites. When a person finds out that someone they know has any attraction to children, they don't forget. Most people also assume boylovers to be sex offenders, and they expect you to offend at some point. Saying you've done nothing wrong won't un-ring the bell, nor will it change their flawed ideas about you. Once you're labelled, you're always labelled.
Some of the fastest ways to be exposed start with things you do in your life outside of the Internet. Little mistakes may have large consequences, beyond your control. The vigilance we require for containing our secret isn't easy to build up or maintain, and it is tiring. But, it is necessary. This vigilance starts with being safe outside the Internet.
Reducing the risk of exposure requires a few steps to be taken outside of the Internet. The steps below will help keep your Internet activity as secret as you want it to be, and they also help reduce the risk of other people observing your attraction. This list is not a fool-proof list, nor is it complete, and it is up to you to determine how best to apply it to your situation if you choose to do so.
This shouldn't need explaining.
That doesn't mean that we won't explain it. Doing anything illegal places you at risk of detection, even if the illegal thing is not related to boylove in any form. You want to keep your relative freedom, so don't jeopardise it by doing things that could get law enforcement involved with your life. It is a risk that should not be taken.
Doing anything illegal also places those you associate at risk, too. When the illegal activity is discovered, it is possible that those you associate with will be questioned or interrogated. This can include people you only have contact with online and people you've never met in-person. They can be questioned about your activities and whether they knew what you were doing. A bad image of you will be presented to them, and friendships don't always survive that - in fact friendships with non-boylovers almost never survive if the illegal activity discovered relates to child sex or related matters.
There are innumerable boylovers who have been on the bad side of the law and have come to regret it. Many of these boylovers have echoed the same sentiments: that the risk was not worth the reward in the end, and that they were naïve or foolish to think they could get away with it. Calculated analysis will always result in this same conclusion, and this won't change until the laws change. And, the laws are not changing anytime soon. If anything, they're getting more restrictive and prohibitive.
Disclaimer: BLSAFETY.NET is not a law firm and has no legal certifications or training. Content found on BLSAFETY.NET does not constitute legal advice or recommendation. If you are having legal issues, consult an appropriate legal professional as required per your personal circumstances. Read the full disclaimer here.
You can't predict how someone will react to learning that you are attracted to children. Their immediate reaction could range from being accepting, indifferent, tolerant, or going into a hysteric rage. In an ideal scenario, a person would be accepting and supportive, but it is next to impossible to guarantee that any one person will react this way.
The general rule is to not tell people, but this does not mean you cannot tell anyone. If you know this person is accepting of Minor-Attracted Persons (MAPs), or that they themselves are a MAP, then it may be okay to tell them assuming that you also know that they would not violate your trust or tell this secret to other people. There are no guidelines on knowing exactly how trustworthy someone is, nor on determining if someone is attracted to children. It is a judgement call on your side alone. Only make it if you know it will go in your favour.
This is not to say there are on benefits to being able to talk to someone about it. It can be relieving to have someone to talk to, especially if they're not judging you and are completely understanding. Some people have difficulty because they have no one to talk to, so confiding in a person is valuable to them. Care must be taken to be sure the person you trust is someone who will not break your confidence.
This can be difficult for many boylovers as they may have a personal bias. With many boylovers being sexually attracted to children, the opinions they have may not be shared by other people. This can create awkward situations where one may need to lie to maintain cover.
Being too sympathetic, or obsessively hostile, may arouse suspicion in the others around. This level of passion in the subject might come across as unusual for what they already know about you, depending on your background and whether you have any well-known biases. Similarly, showing too much apathy to the subject or avoiding it too much can also arouse suspicion too. Your silence could become subject of question, and you could find yourself pressured to give an answer.
Conversations on this subject shouldn't come up often. While lying isn't good, to protect your secret you should have a prepared stance that falls in-line with what society expects. This stance may go against your personal beliefs. This is one of the few instances where a well-told lie can help protect you. If the lie is discovered, however, things may change.
It's possible that conversations on LGBTQ+ rights or associated subjects may evolve into discussions on paedophilia. You should be prepared for this, but avoid steering the discussion in that direction unless the conversation mandates it.
For many boylovers, interacting with children is something they excel at and it comes naturally to them. For some, it's more difficult. The attraction you have for children is unlikely to overwhelm you, but you may feel as if your feelings are becoming too much to handle. That's okay, and it's okay to take a break if you feel that you need one. Children do not have to be your whole life, and you have to take care of yourself first and foremost.
If you're a boylover with sexual attraction to children too, the above doesn't solve the problem of becoming aroused while interacting with children. In this situation, you should find a way to position yourself so that this arousal will not be visible to other people. This may mean sitting down or leaving the situation entirely until the arousal has subsided. If necessary, take a break and head to a private space (such as a bathroom with a locking door) to handle your arousal before returning.
This is largely a judgement point on your part. You have to decide what your personal limits are and how much you can handle before it becomes too much for you. This is different from person to person. Just remember that this point is not as simple as making sure you're not acting inappropriately with or around children.
This is an important step. Sometimes people like to have a peek at the things you're doing on your smartphone, tablet, or computer, and if they see boylove-related stuff then it's not going to look good for you. To prevent them from discovering this, there's a few things you should do.
First, make sure that you're only accessing boylove-related websites when you are alone and can ensure no one is peeking at what you're doing. This will reduce a large part of the risk. If you can't guarantee being alone, for example if you're in a room-sharing situation, then you should not access anything boylove-related or create a way so that the people nearby cannot possibly see what you're doing. Legality does not matter, because people who find out will not care one way or the other.
The second thing is to never store boylove-related content at any point. This includes images and videos, browser bookmarks, chat logs, stories, etc., regardless of whether you encrypt these things or not. In the event of discovery, you cannot reasonably justify being in possession of this content even though it's legal. Even things you've deleted can be recovered.
Therapy can look like a desirable course of action, but it isn't always necessary. If you're only feeling a little conflicted about things, you could probably resolve that conflict by discussing the issue with fellow boylovers on boylove forums. This form of mutual support is highly beneficial and has been helping boylovers work through issues since the 90s.
If minor-attraction is the source of your problems, going to therapy may not be the best idea. There is no guarantee that the therapist will be completely understanding, even though they're supposed to be. It's not uncommon for therapists, especially in the United States, to report persons admitting sexual feelings for children despite no indications of any imminent danger.
In many cases, it may be more beneficial to find a MAP support site and discuss your issues there. Many MAPs have had difficulty with their emotions and feelings, and are better equipped than most to understand the issues you might be facing and provide more appropriate advice. This sort of mutual support has been highly beneficial to boylovers since the 90s.
If you are certain that you need to talk to a therapist, then don't just go and pick any therapist. Look for a therapist that actively deals with MAPs or studies sexual sciences pertaining to minor-attraction. They may not be MAPs, but their background makes them more likely to approach your issues objectively as they will have a better understanding of the underlying causes of your issues.
If you do decide to go into therapy, remember that you must trust your therapist with everything. They need all the information they ask for, with no details omitted or withheld, otherwise the treatment plan they come up with for you stands a high chance of failing or doing further harm.
B4U-ACT is an organisation that works with MAPs and therapists to help create a better understanding between the two groups and improve the quality of therapy for MAPs. Though the organisation is run in the U.S., some resources on the site may still be beneficial to MAPs internationally and the site should not be dismissed as a useful resource. Visit the site here [ext].
Disclaimer: BLSAFETY.NET is not a medical organisation and has no medical certifications or training. Content found on BLSAFETY.NET does not constitute medical advice or recommendation. If you are having medical issues, consult an appropriate medical professional as required per your personal circumstances. BLSAFETY.NET makes no warranties or guarantees for third-party resources linked or referenced nor content found therein. Links or references to third-party resources do not indicate endorsement or support of the resource or content therein by BLSAFETY.NET, nor endorsement or support of BLSAFETY.NET or content therein by the third-party resource. The content of third-party resources may be protected by copyright. The content of third-party resources may not be legal in your jusrisdiction, it is your responsibility to make reasonable efforts to ensure the third-party resource is legal in your jurisdiction prior to visiting. Read the full disclaimer here.
As we expect some RSOs may be viewing the site and its contents, we've created a page specifically for the purpose of addressing how the application of some pieces of advice changes for them. This page is located here.
Not at all. We can't reasonably be expected to cater to everyone's specific situation. We can only give you generalised advice that aims to cover as many potential scenarios as possible, but we cannot give you a fool proof way of avoiding exposure.
This has not yet addressed the Internet and the dangers posed there, either. Though convenient for many things, the Internet can open the floodgates to a whole new host of problems if it is misused or if you are not using it with safety in mind. This can result in exposure, too.